1 00:00:52,670 --> 00:00:59,390 Man that is born of a woman hath but a short time to live and is full of 2 00:01:00,130 --> 00:01:03,810 He cometh up and is cut down like a flower. 3 00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:10,210 He fleeth as it were a shadow and never continueth in one stay. 4 00:01:11,950 --> 00:01:15,070 In the midst of life we are in death. 5 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:21,510 Of whom may we seek for succor but of thee, O Lord, who 6 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,370 I have to go. 7 00:01:28,710 --> 00:01:30,010 It's an important meeting. 8 00:01:30,570 --> 00:01:31,570 What did he say? 9 00:01:31,930 --> 00:01:35,210 He says if he doesn't shut up and show a bit of respect, we're quite at liberty 10 00:01:35,210 --> 00:01:37,950 to beat him to a pulp and bung him in on top of old Sid here. 11 00:01:41,830 --> 00:01:43,270 We'll see you back at the ranch. 12 00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:45,370 Come on, Jane. 13 00:01:46,290 --> 00:01:48,390 Harvey! He's not a resident anymore. 14 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:50,790 He struggles with the living. 15 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,500 And with me. 16 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,640 Yes, Harvey. 17 00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,020 Have you forgotten the words? 18 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,300 Certainly not. Well, get on with it, then. 19 00:02:26,340 --> 00:02:28,620 I couldn't stand Harry Palmer. 20 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:32,200 Are you staying? 21 00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,220 Oh, yes. 22 00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,180 I didn't mind, old Harry. 23 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,320 Harry? Harry Palmer. 24 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,320 The name of the deceased is Esme Walters. 25 00:02:42,860 --> 00:02:44,640 Harry Palmer was this morning. 26 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,340 Oh. Oh, dear. 27 00:02:48,430 --> 00:02:49,750 I didn't know this lady. 28 00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:51,710 Are you staying, then? 29 00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:53,190 Oh, yes. 30 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,810 How do you do, Miss Gordon? 31 00:02:57,530 --> 00:03:00,130 I am sorry we didn't meet before this. 32 00:03:00,870 --> 00:03:03,810 Never too late to make a new friend. Do continue. 33 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:10,790 Like as a father pitieth his own children, even so is the Lord merciful 34 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:11,790 them that fear him. 35 00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:13,850 For he knoweth whereof we are made. 36 00:03:14,090 --> 00:03:16,530 He remembereth that we are but dust. 37 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,080 Poor old Harry. 38 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,720 Another green bottle falls off the wall? 39 00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:26,900 Yes, into the hole in the bottle bag. 40 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:29,280 Little chance of recycling? 41 00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:31,300 Oh, Harry will be recycled. 42 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:32,600 He was a Buddhist. 43 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,720 Since when? Since Wednesday. 44 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,680 He joined the whole lot just in case. 45 00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,760 Buddhist, Catholic, Greek Orthodox. 46 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:41,980 Even the Hare Krishnas dropped in. 47 00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:43,220 Very hated them. 48 00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:44,680 All that chanting. 49 00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:47,200 Right. Push off, he said. 50 00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:52,670 In fact, that was the last thing he said as one of the silly sods tripped over 51 00:03:52,670 --> 00:03:53,670 his life support lead. 52 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,890 Is that true? 53 00:03:56,930 --> 00:03:57,930 No. 54 00:03:59,090 --> 00:04:02,430 Pity. It has a certain glorious irony to it. 55 00:04:02,890 --> 00:04:04,510 Oh, Harry was a good man. 56 00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:08,130 He'll probably return as a humble peasant toiling in the field. 57 00:04:08,470 --> 00:04:14,310 Why? Well, nothing they reckon is the last step before Nirvana. The simple, 58 00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:16,350 uncomplicated peasant. 59 00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:17,570 Bollocks. 60 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:25,020 idea was invented by the rich bastards to keep the simple peasants happy in 61 00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:26,620 their rotten, soggy fields. 62 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:31,020 Believe me, I've been in a paddy. You're always in a paddy. 63 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,300 A rice paddy, you ding -a -ling. 64 00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:38,760 If being a simple peasant is the top notch on the wheel of life, you can 65 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:39,760 it. 66 00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:41,900 Diana, you have no soul. 67 00:04:42,220 --> 00:04:45,020 Tom, souls don't exist. 68 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,460 That's only your opinion. You should keep it to yourself. 69 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,780 Rubbish. It's my holy mission in life. 70 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,770 To blow raspberries at other holy missions. 71 00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:54,670 But had it ever occurred to you, you might be wrong. 72 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,590 Why should it never occur to any of them? 73 00:04:57,570 --> 00:04:58,750 Possibly the Church of England. 74 00:05:00,170 --> 00:05:01,270 Poor old souls. 75 00:05:01,530 --> 00:05:05,310 They don't even know which way is up. Never mind whether God's black, white or 76 00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:06,470 green with three heads. 77 00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:07,669 Oh, come on, Diana. 78 00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:09,790 Stop it. You must not blaspheme. 79 00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:12,430 You'll be struck by a lightning bolt. 80 00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:15,950 In fact, I think I'll stand over here. 81 00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:19,600 Never too sure about the old divine accuracy. 82 00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:22,800 Oh, don't be so daft. Doesn't happen. Look. 83 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,940 Come on, God. You heard me. I don't believe in you. 84 00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:35,480 How about a quick belt of the old megavolt frizzle -frazzle? Diana, for 85 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,160 sake. I mean for your sake. 86 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,940 Take no notice, God. 87 00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:41,840 She's old. She's senile. She's quite... 88 00:06:20,590 --> 00:06:22,270 She was yelling at God again. 89 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:25,870 Oh, you don't have to shout to be heard by God, Diana. 90 00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:28,090 God is omnipresent. 91 00:06:28,530 --> 00:06:30,150 And he's all around us. 92 00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:33,170 Well, God is a nosy so -and -so. 93 00:06:34,150 --> 00:06:35,150 Oh, Diana. 94 00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:39,170 Look, what do you want, Jane? Or did you just drop in for a bit of light 95 00:06:39,170 --> 00:06:43,990 limpering? Don't you be rude to Jane. She is the way she is. There's no need 96 00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,690 make it worse for her. Thank you, Tom. 97 00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:51,569 Purpose, woman. 98 00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:54,990 I just wanted to explain about leaving the grave. 99 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:56,790 Leaving the grave? 100 00:06:57,110 --> 00:06:58,110 Yes. 101 00:06:58,150 --> 00:06:59,230 Like Lazarus? 102 00:06:59,730 --> 00:07:00,730 No, me. 103 00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:04,110 And when did you leave the grave, Jane? 104 00:07:04,510 --> 00:07:05,510 This afternoon. 105 00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:07,390 And when did you die? 106 00:07:07,850 --> 00:07:09,570 I haven't died, Tom. 107 00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:13,870 Well, that's cheating, Jane. You can't rise from the dead if you haven't died. 108 00:07:14,370 --> 00:07:17,950 I mean, Lazarus would never have got his top billing in the Bible if he'd come 109 00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:19,230 out of the tomb saying, Hello! 110 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,480 I've just written from the dead. 111 00:07:22,380 --> 00:07:24,320 When everyone knew he'd been down at the pub. 112 00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:28,220 You can't cheat your way into world history, Jane. 113 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,900 Can't you, Diana? Oh, absolutely not. 114 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:36,000 I was referring to my premature departure from the gravesite this 115 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,620 And what was Harvey's important engagement? 116 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,220 Oh, he had to feed Taylor. 117 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:41,800 Oh, good, I am glad. 118 00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:46,220 We may all be dropping like flies, but at least we can be happy in the 119 00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:49,240 that Harvey will see us off in the best that polyester can offer. 120 00:07:50,830 --> 00:07:51,830 Please, Diana. 121 00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:54,730 I came to talk about Harry and his death. 122 00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,049 Well, what about it? 123 00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:57,870 Well, we don't want it to happen again. 124 00:07:58,290 --> 00:07:59,830 Well, of course it will happen again. 125 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,190 Not while Harry remains dead. 126 00:08:02,670 --> 00:08:06,230 No, I mean we don't want people dying on their own. 127 00:08:06,590 --> 00:08:08,210 Oh, you mean you want us to pop off in groups? 128 00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:13,590 No, I mean into the minibus and over the nearest cliff. 129 00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:17,470 She means that a dying person should not be alone. 130 00:08:18,010 --> 00:08:20,030 Yes, and there should be more than four. 131 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:21,640 People round the grave side. 132 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,820 Those people should be at the right grave at the right time. Yes. 133 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,740 Surrounded by friends and relatives. Right. 134 00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:34,780 And little children. Yes. And passing revelers, jugglers, acrobats, clowns, 135 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:37,520 people with webbed feet. Oh, shut up. 136 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,419 It's a horrible idea. 137 00:08:39,659 --> 00:08:43,640 The last thing you want when you're trying to eke out your final gasp is a 138 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:47,960 of bloody sightseers snuffling around, whipping things off your mantelpiece. 139 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,240 Well, with that. 140 00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:52,290 When I go, I want to go solo, thank you very much. 141 00:08:52,650 --> 00:08:54,490 Oh, well, you're just very odd, Diana. 142 00:08:55,310 --> 00:08:57,550 I'm sure Tom wouldn't want to be on his own. 143 00:08:57,850 --> 00:08:58,850 Absolutely not. 144 00:08:59,430 --> 00:09:03,710 I'm going to be attended by a phalanx of Viking warriors. 145 00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:05,130 Oh, what? 146 00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:06,550 Don't ask. 147 00:09:07,210 --> 00:09:11,950 I'm going to have a Viking funeral, tied to the mast of my ship and shoved off 148 00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:12,950 into the mist. 149 00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:18,510 Farewell, Tom Dragonslayer, ye noble raper and pillager. 150 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,350 Well, pillaging at any rate. 151 00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:26,550 Go to prove of the rape bit. Never understood why they had to go together 152 00:09:26,550 --> 00:09:27,770 which did you do first. 153 00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:30,750 You wouldn't want to be raping while the others were pillaging. 154 00:09:32,810 --> 00:09:35,950 Burning rafters crashing down on your bouncing bum. 155 00:09:36,730 --> 00:09:37,730 Jane, 156 00:09:39,090 --> 00:09:42,390 will you please say what you came to say or we'll all be dead. 157 00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,650 Well, I think... Yes? 158 00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:48,230 I think we should care more for each other. 159 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,400 But that's it, is it? That's your great message? 160 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,660 Yes. How wet. 161 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,740 Well, I think it's a very good idea. 162 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,980 I want to make it official policy. 163 00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:01,900 What does our favourite enema say about that? 164 00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:07,760 Well, Harvey said... Harvey is happy to discuss any new ideas. 165 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,480 As long as it doesn't cost him anything. 166 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,900 There's far too much isolation around here. 167 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:16,420 We should all be reaching out to each other. 168 00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:18,640 Talking, feeling... 169 00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:24,840 Loving one another. So that never again does a resident reach that final hour 170 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:31,000 without oodles of love and companionship to help them on their way across the 171 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,460 great shining plain. 172 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,160 Here, here. 173 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,340 I'm with you, Jane. Oh, good, Tom. 174 00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:40,540 Diana? I think I'm going to be sick. 175 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:43,980 Voilà, Antonio. 176 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:45,900 An ultra weed. 177 00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:47,420 Pullay it up. 178 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,280 God, dismal Lisbon riffraff. 179 00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,360 Bloody back. 180 00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,380 Do something, you fool. 181 00:11:29,740 --> 00:11:30,740 Grass, are you? 182 00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:32,480 Help me to that seat. 183 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:33,760 Oh, OK, then. 184 00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:36,260 Come on, then. 185 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,680 Bad back, is it? No, Basil, it's an ingrowing toenail. 186 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:49,940 What brought this on? Well, I have a nasty little pseudo 187 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:55,800 -arthritic complaint which is kept at bay with steroids. But they make my 188 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,280 very brittle. 189 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,500 Ah. 190 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:00,820 There, there. 191 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,920 Would you like me to give you a massage? 192 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,220 No, I would not, you filthy little beast. 193 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:13,340 You all know about the Basil Makepeace Massage Parlour, thank you. I give a lot 194 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:14,440 of pleasure and comfort. 195 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,840 Don't boast. 196 00:12:16,180 --> 00:12:17,900 That's all I was ever any good at. 197 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,580 Well, don't try it with me. 198 00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:22,040 Oh, I won't with you, Diana. God forbid. 199 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,800 You must be terrifying in bed. 200 00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:25,980 Me? 201 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,280 Yelling and shouting and... 202 00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:29,490 Giving people orders. 203 00:12:29,730 --> 00:12:30,810 Is there any other way? 204 00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:35,790 Where's Tom? 205 00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:39,130 He's going round asking people how they feel. 206 00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:40,650 See? 207 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:43,370 What's he up to? 208 00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:44,690 God knows. 209 00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:46,530 I shouldn't think he's too sure either. 210 00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:48,830 Well, I must be off. 211 00:12:49,210 --> 00:12:51,890 There's a new girl, Tess, in number five. 212 00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:53,970 She's giving me the eye. 213 00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:55,470 He laughs. 214 00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:57,370 He's in training. 215 00:12:57,830 --> 00:13:02,370 You wait, Basil. The hard -line feminists will get you. One day you'll 216 00:13:02,370 --> 00:13:05,090 to bits by boiler -suited varagos outside your shirt makers. 217 00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:08,270 I'll get Tom to give you a hand. 218 00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:15,990 What do you think? 219 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,450 Oh, no. 220 00:13:21,070 --> 00:13:23,770 No, no, it's not good, Jane. No, Harvey. 221 00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:26,170 What's not good? 222 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,040 Well, the profit forecast for the coming financial year. 223 00:13:29,820 --> 00:13:33,040 Oh, they don't look too bad. Yes, but they used to be massive. 224 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,240 I mean, these sort of places used to knock the spots off pine forests and 225 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,240 offshore stuff. 226 00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:39,680 And it was legal, too. 227 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:41,480 Well, 228 00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:44,320 frankly, Jane, there's got to be a bit of belt tightening. 229 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:49,460 The board of directors met in Antigua the other day and they made some 230 00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:50,460 decisions. 231 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:54,700 Now, Jane, instead of salary... 232 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,260 How do you feel about points in the net profits? 233 00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,220 What does that mean? 234 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:02,080 Well, you'd work harder to cut costs. 235 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,020 Starting with your own salary. 236 00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,360 Everything cuts the bone as it is. 237 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,860 Well, maybe... Yes, maybe we could cut back on the quality of the food and then 238 00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:11,860 they'd eat less. 239 00:14:12,340 --> 00:14:14,540 It'd shorten their stay here, though. 240 00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:16,620 Oh, that's another thing, Jane. Turn around. 241 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:19,300 No, 242 00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:21,840 not you, Jane. Turn around at the residence. 243 00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:24,960 Every time one dies, it takes too long to get them out. 244 00:14:25,260 --> 00:14:27,620 Get the place released and the cash flow rolling in again. 245 00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:31,060 There must be a bit of dignity in decorum, Harvey. 246 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,780 Dignity is an expensive luxury, Jane. 247 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,180 And there's certainly no profit in decorum. 248 00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:38,260 What now? 249 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,540 Oh, do come in, Tom. Don't bother to knock. 250 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,160 Yes, why don't you sit down? Thank you. 251 00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:45,420 Well, what can I do for you? 252 00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:48,760 The care for the dying programme. I'm sorry, Tom. We can't afford a resident 253 00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,500 counsellor. You don't have to. 254 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,860 I'm going to do it. Oh, dear. 255 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,960 I can't afford to pay you either. 256 00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:56,420 Well, I don't want any money. 257 00:14:56,780 --> 00:14:58,640 I just want to help my fellow prisoners. 258 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:00,320 Resident, Tom. 259 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:01,840 Resident. 260 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,940 You mean you do the job with no financial benefit to yourself? 261 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,920 It's called voluntary service, Harvey. 262 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,640 Fascinating. Voluntary service. 263 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,500 Well, you should think about that, Jane. 264 00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:18,080 Tom, this job needs somebody with training. 265 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,860 Nonsense. If Tom wants to do it for free, he's trained enough for me. 266 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,440 I think I'll put it in the new brochure. 267 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,140 The baby retirement village. 268 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,960 Let us help you die. 269 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,880 What do you think, Jane? Oh, Harvey. 270 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,080 So what have you got there, Tom? 271 00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:34,780 This is my third day. 272 00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:36,140 It's very important. 273 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,760 It's also very private. 274 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:47,800 Tom, I know you mean well, but if you are untrained, I fear you may do 275 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:52,080 more harm than good by cancelling the dying without knowing what you're doing. 276 00:15:52,650 --> 00:15:56,810 Jane, I'm not daft, I'm not callous, and I'm certainly not stupid. I'm going to 277 00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:57,810 get some training. 278 00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,670 Community centre, Montbrave. 279 00:16:09,410 --> 00:16:10,430 What's he up to? 280 00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:19,650 Coping with death and informal discussion. 281 00:16:20,070 --> 00:16:21,550 That sounds a bundle of laughs. 282 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,680 Psychotherapy is seldom a brief process. Yes. 283 00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:32,640 Excuse me. Are you the dying lot? 284 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,240 No, we're lesbian awareness. 285 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:35,640 Sorry. 286 00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:35,850 What do they want to do something they are 287 00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:37,470 absolutely incapable of? 288 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,620 Firstly, you let them decide just what they're capable of. 289 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,140 But what if it's a totally loopy idea? 290 00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:45,820 Running the marathon on half a lung or something? 291 00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:47,120 Tell them they're crazy. 292 00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:48,940 Nicely, of course. 293 00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:50,060 Oh, yes, of course. 294 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,160 Now, the other main thing is listening. 295 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,220 Listen, listen, listen. 296 00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:58,040 For hours, days if necessary. 297 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,520 Let them get it all off their chest, even if it means they're repeating 298 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:02,960 themselves every five minutes. 299 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,200 I'm a very good listener. 300 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:08,070 Good. Now, there are a few practices... In fact, listening's about all I'm good 301 00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:09,070 at these days. 302 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,890 Now, when it comes to me... I'd be a good listener. 303 00:18:12,710 --> 00:18:17,130 My mother used to say to me, Tom, you're a great listener. 304 00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:18,510 Yes. 305 00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,010 Fine. 306 00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:22,610 And now I spend hours listening to you. 307 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,130 Well, I'm not a great listener. 308 00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:28,090 Well, would you mind listening to me for a minute? 309 00:18:28,490 --> 00:18:29,490 Of course. 310 00:18:29,730 --> 00:18:31,090 Yes, absolutely. 311 00:18:31,530 --> 00:18:32,530 I'm sorry. 312 00:18:32,770 --> 00:18:33,770 Thank you. 313 00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:36,220 Now... You'll find I'm a very good listener. 314 00:18:38,540 --> 00:18:42,920 Now let's move on to the late terminal stages, where a patient is to all 315 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,120 in a non -communicating coma state. 316 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,180 Remember this one thing. 317 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:51,520 You don't know whether they can hear you or not, so don't say anything you 318 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:52,680 wouldn't say to their faces. 319 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,840 Like how they don't like the Swedish? 320 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,260 What? Well, that might upset them. 321 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,000 Why? 322 00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:04,500 They might be Swedish. 323 00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:11,420 I think we'll break for a cup of tea now. 324 00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:17,620 So your husband is a bank manager, eh? 325 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:24,440 Well, that's a real coincidence test, because as it happens, I'm very good at 326 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:25,440 massage. 327 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:33,780 should put in the brochure, you know. 328 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,400 Basil, the sex pistol. 329 00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:43,960 Never mind your counselling for the dying. Just tell the old ducks they'll 330 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,800 the best servicing this side of the grave. They'll be climbing over the 331 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:49,860 Don't be vulgar, Diana. 332 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,180 Mind you, if that one gets up steam, we may never see the little beggar again. 333 00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:55,820 Diana! Sorry? 334 00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:57,140 What were you saying? 335 00:19:57,580 --> 00:20:00,860 Well? I wonder if we ought to buy him some distress flares. 336 00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:02,360 Diana! 337 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:08,080 Do you want to know about my survey, or don't you? Oh, just tell me about your 338 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,080 boring survey. 339 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,140 Well, as a former accountant and statistician, I've interviewed the 340 00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:16,900 read their personalities, medical histories, and sorted them into types, 341 00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:19,680 which I can predict their probable lifespans. 342 00:20:20,140 --> 00:20:23,020 Well, you mean you've worked out a timetable of when they're going to snuff 343 00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:25,100 Sort of. Oh, great tech. 344 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:30,480 So, from this list, I can work out who I ought to be counselling for their 345 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,020 meeting with Mr Grim Reaper Esquire. 346 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:34,300 You're mad as a cusp. 347 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:39,540 Never heard anything so dark, predicting who's going to die when. Just sup your 348 00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:40,680 soup and shut up. 349 00:20:41,220 --> 00:20:42,500 Counselling, smonkelling. 350 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,080 Diana. What? 351 00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:52,420 You've led a very full and rewarding life, haven't you? 352 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,260 I'll bloody kill you. 353 00:20:57,700 --> 00:20:59,700 Yes, well, I think it's very admirable, Dad. 354 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,040 Don't you, dear? 355 00:21:02,140 --> 00:21:03,460 What? Birth counselling. 356 00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:06,119 is on the council? 357 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,120 No, dear. 358 00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:10,460 Counselling. Talking to people who need help. 359 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,420 I do not need help. I'm fine. 360 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,480 Right, I am. Fine. 361 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,620 Everything's totally under control. 362 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,280 Is she all right? 363 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,220 I mean all right within the very limited terms one would use the word in 364 00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:23,220 relation to burial. 365 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,060 She's breaking in a new tranquiliser. 366 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,300 Seems to be working. 367 00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:31,900 What were you thinking about high -risk groups, Dad? 368 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:36,380 Yes, well, I check with a few quacks, and my fieldwork is pretty accurate. 369 00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:37,740 Oh, fascinating. 370 00:21:37,860 --> 00:21:39,540 And where would I come on your risk ladder? 371 00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:42,420 Oh, you're way down low on the list, Geoffrey. 372 00:21:42,820 --> 00:21:46,740 Non -smoking, non -drinking, stamp -collecting, liberal Democrat. 373 00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:49,900 You'll live for years and do absolutely nothing. 374 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,480 So there's something to be said for being me, after all. I didn't say that. 375 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,240 What about Marion? What's her risk factor? 376 00:22:00,399 --> 00:22:02,860 Don't let us start any long shopping lists. 377 00:22:04,980 --> 00:22:05,980 Tom! 378 00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:07,460 Tom! Out here! 379 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,560 What is it? It's Basil. 380 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,140 What? I think you'd better come. 381 00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:13,460 Oh. 382 00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:14,700 What happened? 383 00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:16,180 I don't know. 384 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,960 Oh, with her twanky there, I probably rolled over and flattened the poor 385 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:20,960 chap. 386 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:22,560 Have you got a crack? 387 00:22:23,380 --> 00:22:26,060 Harvey's a bit concerned about the, uh, circumstances. 388 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,960 What? Well, he wouldn't look too good in the papers. 389 00:22:29,879 --> 00:22:30,879 Pensions? 390 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,200 Well, you know. 391 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,580 Thingy. All over the place. 392 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:40,860 Coronary. Get the doctor at once, you bloody fool. All right, all right. 393 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,720 Jane, get Tess back to her place. 394 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,240 And not a word to anyone. 395 00:22:45,060 --> 00:22:48,320 It's a respectable retirement village, not a geriatric knocking shop. 396 00:22:52,340 --> 00:22:53,340 Has he gone? 397 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:55,520 No, he's still with us. 398 00:22:58,640 --> 00:22:59,780 Can you hear me? 399 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:02,560 Baz? 400 00:23:04,340 --> 00:23:06,440 He may be on the brink. Oh, my God. 401 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,540 He's probably half in and half out. Of what? 402 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,160 Of his body. 403 00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:12,960 The transition phase, it's called. 404 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,280 I expect he's hovering about above us, watching all this. 405 00:23:16,780 --> 00:23:20,240 Basil, stop frigging about and get the bloody hell back down here immediately. 406 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,200 That's not the way to do it. 407 00:23:23,620 --> 00:23:25,960 His going must be a warm experience. 408 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,220 What do you mean? You're going to set fire to him? No. 409 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,040 Just be quiet. 410 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:33,840 Basil Chum. 411 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:38,520 You have every reason to be happy. A great life. 412 00:23:39,180 --> 00:23:42,880 Lived, travelled, loved, definitely loved. 413 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,820 Remember, we love you too. 414 00:23:46,580 --> 00:23:47,700 Most profoundly. 415 00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:48,900 Don't we, Diana? 416 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,000 Love? Him? Yes. 417 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,100 It's all right, I suppose. 418 00:23:55,220 --> 00:23:58,240 Kiss him, Diana. 419 00:24:00,010 --> 00:24:01,450 Me? Yes. 420 00:24:05,830 --> 00:24:07,630 Well, now what are we supposed to do? 421 00:24:08,330 --> 00:24:13,370 Hold hands and concentrate our spiritual energies. 422 00:24:16,150 --> 00:24:18,650 Come on, hold hands. 423 00:24:18,870 --> 00:24:21,590 His. As well. 424 00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:23,750 And concentrate. 425 00:24:27,130 --> 00:24:29,390 This is... 426 00:24:29,660 --> 00:24:32,560 Rubbish, Tom. Surely we should be bashing him on the chest or something. 427 00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:33,759 Just do it, woman. 428 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,140 The man is dying. 429 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:40,680 Christ. 430 00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:49,140 Goodness, love, God, and the power of light to be with you, Basil. 431 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:53,240 Detail. 432 00:25:05,870 --> 00:25:07,070 My fault. Of course it was. 433 00:25:07,370 --> 00:25:09,970 You were the one who came running in in a panic in the flat, Doodle. Well, 434 00:25:09,970 --> 00:25:10,970 you're supposed to be the expert. 435 00:25:11,190 --> 00:25:13,350 Well, I don't think he was asleep. 436 00:25:14,290 --> 00:25:17,690 I think it was our combined prayers for him that brought him back. 437 00:25:17,990 --> 00:25:19,330 He said he was asleep. 438 00:25:19,830 --> 00:25:22,590 He denied all knowledge of floating around the light fittings. 439 00:25:24,270 --> 00:25:28,850 He said he woke up to find a couple of nutters by his bedside. 440 00:25:30,050 --> 00:25:31,770 You were far too hasty. 441 00:25:32,670 --> 00:25:33,670 Yes. 442 00:25:33,830 --> 00:25:34,970 You're probably right. 443 00:25:36,810 --> 00:25:40,850 I remember when I lived with Marion and Geoffrey, all I had to do was to nod off 444 00:25:40,850 --> 00:25:44,010 in front of the telly and she was out with the measuring tape and the 445 00:25:44,010 --> 00:25:45,010 fluid. 446 00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:48,410 Ambulances, doctors. 447 00:25:49,570 --> 00:25:51,330 Randy Midgett was just having a kip. 448 00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:53,510 I felt very silly. 449 00:25:54,330 --> 00:25:56,390 Would you have preferred that he had really died? 450 00:25:56,710 --> 00:25:57,589 Yes, absolutely. 451 00:25:57,590 --> 00:25:58,730 Would have been a lot less embarrassing. 452 00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:03,630 In the future, if he wishes to bonk himself into oblivion... 453 00:26:12,270 --> 00:26:13,890 You're such a wonderful person. 454 00:26:14,670 --> 00:26:17,310 I think when you die, you should be stuffed and mounted. 455 00:26:20,130 --> 00:26:24,710 Like an eagle with talons on a branch and a dead stoat in your mouth. 456 00:26:25,670 --> 00:26:29,570 What, oh, Jane, has Widow Tescott over her palpitations yet? 457 00:26:30,190 --> 00:26:31,190 Jane? 458 00:26:31,550 --> 00:26:32,770 I tucked her in. 459 00:26:33,410 --> 00:26:35,930 She was really glad that Basil was fine. 460 00:26:36,510 --> 00:26:38,870 She went to sleep with a smile on her face. 461 00:26:40,010 --> 00:26:41,830 And? And then she passed. 462 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,000 Have you called her family? 463 00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:49,800 No, she hasn't any. 464 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:51,760 She was all alone. 465 00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:56,240 Well, we'll have to put that to rights. 466 00:26:57,140 --> 00:27:00,020 In the midst of life, we are in death. 467 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:04,700 Of whom may we seek for succour? What of thee, O Lord? 468 00:27:05,260 --> 00:27:08,960 Who for our sins art justly displeased? 469 00:27:18,030 --> 00:27:20,110 There's steel bands a bit over the top. 470 00:27:20,530 --> 00:27:22,530 Oh, I don't like it.